Unintentional Intentional Encounters

My job routinely puts me in contact with persons who are not looking for me or my profession.  It is on the rare occasion that I get people seeking appointments.  Instead, it is often those who are being forced by their superiors as a 'last ditch,' or, what is even more common, a tragedy has taken over their life and I just so 'happen' to wonder into their path...or they into mine.  Which is more true is precisely the point on this post.  For as much as I can assume and surmise that people are not looking for me, I cannot say that I am always looking for them.  It is not that I am avoiding people or those in need; in fact, it is quite the opposite.  I hate my office and am always out on the streets and wards looking for opportunity to minister or come alongside someone else.  However, even when out 'seeking,' I am never really seeking a particular person or situation, and in this, I can say that I am seek those who I encounter.

A great example of this miracle and mystery occurred recently while assigned to 'duty.'  When on call as the 'duty,' my job is to respond to every and all requests at any and all hours of the week...not just day.  As it happened during this recent stint, calls for my service always came when I was either asleep or with my family doing something far and removed from work.  And, YES, while happy to meet the spiritual and emotional needs of others at any time, I can always say with certainty that whenever the phone request would come in, I was must definitely NOT looking for be pulled into work of service for others!  I must confess that the ride into work is not the most holy of times in my life...

However, in every instance during my recent duty watch, the people I have had the opportunity to minister to have been remarkable!  In each case, they were initially very hesitant to see me, and, in some cases, had no intentional use for me because I was not of their faith group or expectations.  Yet, pushing care and desire aside, when left to only each other and the circumstances we found ourselves in, our need and what we had to offer could not have been more perfect or compensating.

The best example was an elderly woman who had just brought her husband of many years into the ER for emergency surgery in the middle of the night.  He was very, very sick and non-responsive.  She was alone and she had no one to comfort her.  I was called in because there simply was no one else to call.

When I arrived, she was gone.  None of the staff knew where she went and a search took place around the building via me and a few corpsmen.  Eventually, we spotted her walker in the moonlight next to a bench out by the curb.  She was smoking a cigarette, hunched over and talking on her cell phone. Never saying a word or trying to interrupt, I only joined her on the bench and waited.  When she completed her call, she looked the other way and only acknowledged my presence with an apology for smoking.  I told her I was a chaplain and was only here to take care of her.  Dismissing my ministry instantaneously as 'not for her,' she told me how she was a former Christian and now practicing Buddhist because it was for her, after all, the only logical step.  She was gracious in her explanation, but it was still innately rejecting.  I responded with only, "Tell me your story.  How did all of this come about?"

For the next hour she shared her life, her marriage, her family, and ultimately her journey through faith.  At each point, I stayed with her and only listened.  Sure, there were points where I wanted to correct of sound off from my experience or understanding, but I wasn't there for me, I was there for her.  And the more I listened, the more she opened up, and the more her demeanor went from despair to hope.  After two hours, it was like a lifetime had passed from the horror of bringing her husband to the ER and suffering alone to now sitting with me on a bench in the middle of the night.

But, guess who else had undergone a deep and lasting change?  Me!  I found myself not only happy to be with her, but longing for the conversation to continue on.  As she shared her story, I not only connected with her experiences, but I found myself learning and observing the hand of God working through this encounter with her and into my soul and understanding.  Being there for her, and not for me, changed everything.  And when it finally came time for me to depart and for her to care for other matters related to her husband, guess who was all to eager to have me pray with her?  And guess what else?  All the preconceived ideas and prayers I thought I was going to pray went right out the window at that point.  Through our unintentional intentional encounter, God showed up and revealed His will, ministry and peace to both of us. 

Let us never assume that we are 'in charge,' 'complete,' or 'knowing' what it is we think we need.  Instead, let us remain ever open to the Spirit, humble before His direction, and quite in His midst.  A life led by the Spirit is always a life used and filled.

I Might Be Crazy, but..

The past two weeks have been incredible.  They been filled with great moments of encouragement and equal parts disappointment.  Just before leaving for a 10-day work/play-cation in FL, I received news that a coworker and close friend was undergoing a horrific drawn-out tragedy.  Despite being mentally 'checked out' and eager to do nothing more than get out of San Diego and play with my family, I found myself compelled to spend every possible moment before boarding the plane with my friend in the hospital room.  I didn't have words, healing or expectations of my presence being "what was needed" to change this person's life or situation, I just knew that I had to be there for my friend.

When it came time to arrive in FL for the work portion of my trip, I thought I knew what I was going to expect, experience, and feel in regards to people, subjects and events that often accompany 'church meetings.'  There would be the hyper-zealots, the 'too cools,' the 'old guard,' and the vast array of ministers trying so hard to communicate their worth through their performance and results.  This is always the case, and I've been a part of each group at one point in my ministry career.  This time, however, was going to be different.  I told myself that I had matured, that I was more confident and secure than before, and that having already experienced these types of events that I would be prepared to see past the silliness and just have a good time.  Well, that kinda happened...

For the first couple of days, everything was great.  All the stereotypes and gimmicks were on display, I was able to connect with some great friends, and I was even finding myself thinking and preparing for new and future ministry endeavors, both in San Diego and beyond.  But, then that 'moment' happened when all my triggers were tripped at the same time.

It happened in a way that I wasn't expecting, even though I was fully prepared for the vehicle by which the moment came forth.  Without revealing the details, it is necessary to disclose that the events that led to my 'meltdown' took place in rapid succession during a moment that could describe most Sunday morning church services.  Everyone gathers, gets caught up in emotion rather than substance, affirms self or others at the expense of the One, and then walks away with an elevated opinion or quite arrogance that what they have just experienced or affirmed is the best and truest truth.  It's crazy and it's the sole result of the human ego...not simply American spirituality.  I see the same thing at political rallies, business meetings and even within our military institutions (all places which you would hope 'self' would never be a factor).

I snapped.  I threw my hands in the air and walked out of the convention center, not only not caring if people saw me, but, to some degree, hoping that they would see me!  It was a bit of a tantrum, but why?  Why was something that I knew and expected would happen, planned on responding to, now causing me to go into a mini-tailspin?  I had a couple of service answers in my head: because I'm right, they are wrong; they are doing it all wrong; this is what is wrong with the world, etc. But, these knee-jerk and surface-level explanations were not the true cause.  Something else was going on inside of me.  Something was being provoked that caused me to respond deeply and passionately, and at my own expense.

I survived the event and went on to have a great convention with the church.  I moved past the moment described above and put all my attention to the remaining days away.  Now, with the church business portion completed, I could have uninterrupted fun with my family at our favorite vacation spot!  Our bodies were adjusted to the weather and time zone, the trip was all-inclusive, so there was literally no real reason for anything to spoil our final days together.  But, then that moment came...

After a great day of playing and eating our body weight in food, I woke up from a dead sleep with this unprovoked question piercing my consciousness: Why are you doing this [ministry]?  It's not at all what you expected and it is more often than not at complete odds with what you want.  Why are you doing this?  I didn't have an answer at the time.  I tried reminding myself that it was because I felt a certain way at a certain time; heard/felt God's calling at one point; or, because somebody needed to do it.  All good answers, but they didn't satisfy the question.  So, then I tried this response: Because I screwed up and called myself into ministry because of a response to some other event or belief in my life.  That, too, proved insufficient and unsatisfying.  At this point, I did what any wise soul would do, I went back to bed, ignored the question and events of the week, and had a great vacation.

Sure enough, however, the next day back at work, it all came together.  In a simple discussion with my colleagues, the motives and desires of our lives were revealed and discussed openly.  Each one talked about his/her passions, plans and experiences, and in doing so, revealed a lot about their deep-seated motives and reasons for who they are and what they do (even if not consciously aware of such).  I found myself almost completely at odds with what my peers were saying.  It wasn't that their reasons or values were wrong or lesser than my own, they just simply were not my reasons and values.  No big deal, expect that in some instances the reasons they described I did once consider my own!  This apparent and unexpected change caught me off guard and really put a kink in my day.  I was frustrated, irritated, bored and anxious.  I was all the things I had experienced previously at the church convention and the middle-of-the-night crisis at one time.  Unable to run out, quit the job, or take a nap, I buried my frustration and went back to work visiting hospital staff and patients.

As I got ready to make my first rounds, I received several notes from our receptionist.  In addition to my normal rounds and patients, their were people requesting my ministry and service.  A nice compliment, but one that would make my work day longer and certainly more complicated.  Surprisingly, I didn't mind.  Then, when I entered my first ward, a sailor was standing in the hallway waiting for me.  "Sir, I need to schedule a time to speak with you," she said.  "Get in line, Sister," I thought in my head, but what I actually said was, "OK, great.  What would be a good time for you?  Actually, are you free now?"  We talked for over an hour and witnessed God's healing and presence in a very unique and unexpected way!

With my day and schedule now completely messed up, I just kept on hitting my rounds.  And, sure enough, it was one crisis and miracle after another!  What should have been an easy and short day, turned into one of constant interruption and personal frustration, except for the fact that at the end of the day I felt completely FULFILLED.

I don't know exactly why I respond the way I do the things of life.  One minute I think I'm driven by a particular passion, and then in an instant I discover that it's either not true or certainly not the sole contributor.  I didn't know why it came so easy for me to disrupt my life and schedule and go beyond what was expected of me to be with my friend in the hospital.  Sure, it was 'compassion,' but what drove the 'compassion' component at that moment?  Why did I go bananas when everything that I had already known was going to happen, happened in a crazy church convention?  Sure, I was frustrated (and largely disgusted), but so what?  People do dumb things for the wrong reasons all the time. It doesn't have to affect me.  Why did I wake up with such a nagging and seemingly unanswerable question for no apparent reason?  Because I was subconsciously still dealing with it?  Sure; but why?

Here it is, folks.  As far as I can tell...at this point..my life is simply not my own.  I am fully aware of what I want, need, expect and believe, but it is not the ultimate driving force in my daily life.  I do perform a lot of actions and make a lot of decisions on what I want or what I think is best, but I would be completely wrong to think that I, alone, am in the driver's seat.  As I look back over the events of these past two weeks, I see the presence, voice, and action of the Spirit influencing my life.  He is the one driving my life, leading me into these situations, and causing me to fulfill the occupational and existential qualities of my existence.  I know this may seem like a trite or "Sunday School" answer, but I can't think of one more true.  I simply cannot contribute the trajectory of my life to my own desires or passions, nor can I take any credit for its relative success in drawing me or others to God.  IT's ALL Him, and it is why that at the end of the day, I am only fulfilled when He has shown up and displayed His qualities and values!

So, where do I go from here?  How should I respond to such a conclusion? No clue, other than I plan to simply continue to get out of the way (decrease) so that He can increase.  I have no problem simply being 'along for the ride,' IF He is the one leading.

Why I am Assembly of God

This week, my family and I will travel to our denomination’s biannual (every two year) conference.  It’s a full-on church gathering with evening services, prayer meetings, business sessions and tons of opportunities to eat while learning about missionaries and ministries.  It’s a weeklong event and I am honored to be a part of it…even if it does drive me insane at times and cost a small fortune to attend!  In a day and age where the most popular churches and Christian speakers are non-denominational, I feel it important for me to share my main reason for why I am not only “pro-“ denomination, but, in particular, a member of the Assemblies of God (A/G).

For starters, I grew up in an Assemblies of God church, and for four brief years of my early life, I was also a Methodist.  I’ve always known denominations and “groupings” and growing up I never saw any negatives to being associated with them.  In fact, as far as I could tell, “Assembly of God” was simply a title you put after your church name.  I had no idea about corporate doctrines, bylaws, governance, etc.  In my home church, everything was handled internally and the local pastor and his board ruled the roost.  No one told us what to preach, when to preach, how we were to conduct church policy or even who would be our pastor.  It wasn’t until I went off to an Assemblies of God Bible College that I actually learned the full potential and capabilities of being in a denomination.  But, even then, it wasn’t something I viewed as intrinsically evil or damning but, rather, quite the opposite.  I liked the idea of being a part of something bigger than myself and having a network of like-minded people to interact with and find support.  Upon graduating from Bible College, I became a proud licensed minister and tithing member of the team!

Things did change, however, while I was serving as church planter in NYC.  Being a denominational minister is pretty easy. You affirm the church’s doctrines, mail in a few bucks every year, and stay out of trouble with other people’s money and/or body parts.  There really isn’t much to it.  Being a church leader, however, is a completely other story.  You see, according to federal law and the Internal Revenue System, there are many legal implications that churches must adhere in order to enjoy all the benefits of being a legal church.  If you are a denominational church, the number of laws you must adhere to doubles, because now you not only have to play by the Fed’s rules but also that of the denomination.  The trouble with this, however, is that no two churches are ever alike.  Personalities, practices, cultures, economic demographics and a whole hosts of other realities complicate the establishment of local church governance and policy, and sometimes the rules (and rulers) of a denomination can really make compliance and success nearly impossible.  There were many, many days (years) while serving in Queens that I was seriously considering leaving the A/G and doing the ‘non-denom’ thing, but God wouldn’t let me.  It’s not because God is loyal to the A/G but, rather, because God knew that His church in Queens was bigger than the A/G and certainly a lot bigger than me!  The church needed the freedom to discern it’s own identity and function, but it also needed to do so free from my personal (and limited) perspective and personality.  Here is where denominationalism, and, in particular, the Assemblies of God, shines.

The beauty of the Assemblies of God isn’t its doctrine (although it is good and strong), but its freedom of expression/interpretation.  The Assemblies defines itself as a “cooperative fellowship,” which means that it not only fully understands the uniqueness of each local church, but that it also affirms its autonomy.  Rather than producing or mandating principles and practices, the A/G strives to only enforce the principle while leaving the interpretation and practice up to the local church.  This single aspect of the A/G literally saved our church plant from long-term failure in Queens and me from insanity!  There was no way that our church was going to be able to successfully conform to the habits and particular policies of other established churches, even within the denomination and the local geography.  But the A/G district and national leadership didn’t panic or give an ultimatum, they simply considered our uniqueness, compared it to other complying and successful A/G churches and then aided us in finding a personal solution.  They were patient, understanding, and empowering and it resulted in a legally compliant church with members who now can now positively identify their faith and church with other Believers across the country and globe.  But more than the ability to identify with the larger church, I believe what my story, and that of denominations, in general, affirm is the biblical principle of accountability.  No one should be free of authority and oversight…in any area of their life.

All Are to Live Under Authority
Jesus was God in the flesh, yet He submitted every thought, action and word to the authority and will of the Father.  Let us never forget, it wasn’t the will of Jesus to go to the cross, it was the will of the Father (Luke 22:42).  Likewise, Paul was not a disciple of Jesus nor was he friends with His disciples when he became a Christian.  Nevertheless, upon conversion and appointment for ministry, the very first thing he does is return to Jerusalem to receive the blessing and accountability of the church leadership. And in each and every church he establishes, he ties its membership in both faith (doctrine) and finances back to the Jerusalem church and leadership.  Individuals and churches need to be under formal authority at all times; it’s good and it’s biblical!

I love being a part of God’s larger church and I love being a part of the Assemblies of God.  Do I agree with all that the Assemblies of God says and does? Of course not! But differences in opinion and practice do not mean that individual parties cannot still serve one another or submit to a common authority. As demonstrated in my story above, these variations can actually make each member and the larger group stronger and more effective!  I choose to be Assemblies of God because we not only affirm authority, but we celebrate individual uniqueness and expression. 

So, off I go to meet with thousands of other ministers who are as diverse and particular as I am, and who’s church may look in every way very different than the one I would pastor. I am sure that there will be plenty of ‘eye rolls’ out of all of us for the things we say and do, but at the end of the day, we will all rejoice and praise God for the singular identity and mission to which He has called us and that we are fulfilling together!